her vagine was all disorganized.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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