On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
