I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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