Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
