Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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