We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
