im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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