i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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