Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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