yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also, beer. Big fan.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
