My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
