Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
