I wish life had little blips of pornography
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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