My hand turned me down
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sorry about my life...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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