I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
