By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
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He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
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I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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