woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
