Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
