Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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