What a fucking waste of an outfit
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
