I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
