dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
