hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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