My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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