So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
