as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
