Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
