I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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