he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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