I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
