you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
