I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
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i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
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at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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