my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
organizing the empties. That sober.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
