I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
