apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
