Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
