oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
