wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
