I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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