My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
