shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
