You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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