i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
