They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
