i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
