Life is so much better after having sex.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
There are leaves in my underwear?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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