I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This is the high leading the old right now
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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