I'm pants shitting drunk right now
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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