You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
