i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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