So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
