hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
