He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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