Jerry, you need to find god
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
