Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
