I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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