i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
