god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize