dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
