First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
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my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
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So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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