i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
