In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
