OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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