he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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