I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
