ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
