I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
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With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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