I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we're making bets on your personal life
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
