"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
